


Everything I Had

by towardstheair



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-23
Updated: 2010-06-23
Packaged: 2017-10-21 08:42:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/223238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/towardstheair/pseuds/towardstheair





	Everything I Had

Kris takes the job reluctantly. He is out of options, he is days away from being thrown out on his ass because he can't make the rent and every time his mom calls he has to make up some kind of lie that everything is just perfect. His mom isn't stupid and the cracks in his perfectly constructed lie of a life are starting to show.

  
He knew this wasn't going to be easy, moving out to L.A with no friends or family around but he couldn't have been more unprepared for just how hard it was going to be to cope. He took for granted just how much of a support the people in his life were.

  
It's good money, and its _huge_. The shrieks he got down the phone when he told his mom he was going to be playing bass for Adam Lambert proved that much. She listed a whole bunch of his songs and went it to exact detail about his music videos. Who knew his mom was such a fan? Kris had yet to feel the same excitement that she was.

  
It's not that he isn't grateful for the chance, he really is. He just wishes he were in the position where he could do whatever the hell he wanted rather than having to sink into the background of someone else's limelight.

  
He loves his band, they are the only real friends he has made since coming here and sometimes its a lot more than just the music they make. It's just about having someone who understands what it feels like to want something so badly that you can hardly focus on anything else. They all have other jobs though, including Kris. There are bills to pay and even though he wishes it could just be about the music and their friendship all the time, he is more realistic than that. Jeffro is a tattooist and he works in a studio owned by his brother, Larry is a mechanic and has two kids and Matt works in an adult video store... which Kris really wishes he knew less about than what he does.

  
The point is, they all have lives outside the band rehearsals where as Kris feels like its the only thing that has kept him going so long. They were all really happy for him as well, excited that he was getting such a big break. He doesn't think it was too much to ask for one of them to have seemed the slightest bit sad he would be leaving for three months.

  
Kris did feel a strong amount of joy when he walked into the crappy coffee shop he worked at and told them he was leaving in a week. The job hadn't been so bad, compared to what his other options were, so for the most part he put up with smelling like coffee and rude customers because it meant he could still stay here, he could still go to band rehearsals every night.

  
Band rehearsals started two weeks ago, and already he loves the guys. Jack is kind of crazy, he plays the drums without any inhibitions. Kris has never seen anything like it before and they quickly bond over their love of the Beatles and Al Pacino movies. Kym is mostly quiet, she rolls her eyes at Jack a lot and they bicker like children. Everyone is waiting for the two of them to realise why they act like that. The chemistry is undeniable. Monte is crazy talented. When Kris first hears him play he realises he has been so sheltered as to the real talent that is out there. He doesn't quite understand why he was chosen, when he looks around at everyone else and sees Jack's mo-hawk, Kym's bright pink hair and Monte's dark rimmed eyes. He feels so ordinary in comparison and that's only to the other band members. Adam Lambert is an entirely different matter.

  
Kris is not easily intimidated; he is fairly laid back about most things. But there is something about the way Lambert holds himself, the way when he sings he uses his whole body, working everyone in the room up and pulling them all into the song. Kris will admit to being kind of captivated.

  
Adam hasn't spoken to him much, the last time they talked properly was at Kris's audition and it just leaves Kris even more bewildered as to why Adam chose him. He knows he can play, that's not the issue. He just gets the feeling that Adam was going for a certain look for his band and Kris most definitely does not fit into that look. Kris never thought he would get the gig, as soon as he saw the other people hanging around, as soon as he saw Lambert sitting in the room waiting for Kris to start playing.

  
Kris wasn't even half way through the song before Lambert stopped him and stood up from his chair. He got real close, almost too close for someone who he barely even knew. Kris wanted to make Adam aware that there were other people in the room but Adam was watching Kris's hands gripping onto the guitar and Kris felt like he couldn't breathe. He asked Kris his name and where he was from. Kris felt like he was Adam's prey, he circled around Kris looking over his shoulder to Monte who had been sitting in the chair next to him.

  
That had been that. He got the gig and at first when he got the call he thought it was a joke.

  
Kris likes the music, its not really the kind of music he would be making but it suits Adam. It _is_ Adam. His voice can carry off any song and make it something new and different, its hard not to admire that.

  
They have two days before they leave for their first tour date and Kris has every single note perfected and memorised, he is even relaxing more and getting into the music in a way he never thought he would. Adam is frustrated and pissed off because something during “Fever” just isn't working. Adam stops them all half way through the song for the tenth time today. Kris gets it, it all sounds fine, they are all working together perfectly but it needs something else, it needs to be changed up in some way.

  
The words leave Kris's mouth before he even really thinks his thought through. “Maybe you should try it slowed down.” He is strumming on his bass so he doesn't notice the four faces staring at him. He soon catches on and when he eventually looks up Adam is walking slowly towards him.

  
“I mean... I'm not saying acoustic or anything if you...”

  
“No...” The tension that was weighing on Adam's shoulders seems to have lifted slightly and he stares at Kris like he is trying to figure out all his secrets. Not that Kris has any. Not really. “You've thought about this?”

  
Kris has actually. But Adam seemed happy with the arrangement and the gyrating on stage, which he really is very good at, but Kris sometimes sees different visions for certain songs. They pop into his head in the shower or the middle of the night. That exact thing happened with “Fever”. He was up at 2am and working it out on his guitar. He does it mostly for himself, for fun. He never thought his big mouth would actually suggest it.

  
“It's just something I...”

  
Adam smiles and picks up the acoustic leaning against the piano. “Show me.”

  
Kris takes the guitar and the others are watching him just as intently as Adam is, Monte smiles and nods at him. Why does he suddenly feel like this is some kind of initiation? Kris sighs and turns back to Adam. “I can't sing it like you can.”

  
Adam laughs and gestures for Kris to start. He shouldn't feel so nervous, he has played to more than four people before and he has been rehearsing with these people for a couple of weeks now, but Adam is watching his hands, the same way he did at the audition, Kris suddenly feels self conscious.

  
He knows the song word perfect, and he never falters on that. He doesn't sing it with half as much power as Adam does, but he has always been more suited to this. Just him and a guitar, its the place he feels most at home. He gets kind of caught up in the song, eyes closed, completely lost. When he finishes there is nothing but silence for what feels like forever and he is afraid to open his eyes. Then he hears a loud whoop from behind him and Jack is banging on his drums, Monte is laughing and Kym pats him on the shoulder.

  
“Damn, Allen! You've been holding out on us.” She winks before turning towards Adam. “ _That_ is how that song needs to be performed on your tour.”

  
How Adam's responds is the one thing he is waiting for, and he is finally brave enough to turn and look at Adam. He looks sort of... shocked and impressed. Adam nods in response to Kym. “I think you might be right.”

  
“And Kris has to play acoustic for you on it... because _damn_.” Monte points at Adam like he is giving him an order that that is exactly how it has to be.

  
“I don't think it would work any other way.” Adam gets up from the stool he was perched on and bumps into Kris slightly as he walks by. It's the last thing Kris expected today but he feels good, he feels included in something. It's kind of amazing.

–

Kris learns early on that Adam Lambert crowds are _enthusiastic_. He also learns that Adam absolutely thrives off the crowd. He is used to Adam working the room, pulling people in with his voice and the way he moves his body. But to actually be able to command 2000 people in such a way is something Kris has never seen before in his life.

  
Kris finds himself watching Adam a lot more than he should be during the performances. He should be focused on his playing and nothing else. But damn, Lambert and the looks he throws Kris every single night. He clearly knows just how much Kris is watching him.

  
By the time it gets to “Fever” Kris is so worked up and Adam is always so close; right next to where Kris sits with his guitar. Adam ignored the ideas that he should be sitting down as well during the performance. He said he wanted the freedom of walking around. Kris knows now its because Adam wanted the freedom of working around Kris, of using Kris as the central point of a song that is made all the more sexy by having it be nothing but Adam's voice and a guitar.

  
The first few nights are fine. Nothing but Adam's hands lingering on his shoulder, his fingers gripping in Kris's hair and Kris really has no problem with that. Adam is a physical performer he has learnt that much already in their small amount of time together. In fact it would feel weird for Adam to be any other way. He just wasn't expecting to be such a big part of that with him.

  
There is a different vibe tonight; everyone is pumped up, including Kris. Adam just dropped down to his knees and licked the microphone during “Whole Lotta Love” and it pretty much killed Kris. He thinks it is a very bad idea to develop a crush on someone who is basically your boss.

  
Kris sets up like usual, grabs his acoustic and drags the stool just off stage that is ready and waiting for him. He sits down and immediately starts the first chords of “Fever” and the whole crowd cheers. Kris smiles at the crowd and the looks down at his fingers, playing the chords instinctively. He hears Adam's voice from behind him, soft, smooth and alluring and the crowd roars even more.

  
They make it through the first two verses and Adam is nowhere near Kris, just working his way around him, circling him and working up the crowd more and more. He doesn't dare look at Adam in this performance; he is already far too obvious during the rest of the show.

  
It's at the end of the second chorus that Kris feels Adam's fingers snake through his hair. There is a break in the music just before Adam starts up singing again and Kris lifts his hand to carry on when his head is pulled back and Adam kisses him, deep and hard and Kris should be aware of so many things that are wrong about this situation but all he can feel is _Adam_. Adam's lips working his open, Adam's fingers gripping onto his hair.

  
It's all over as quick as it started and the crowd are roaring and Kris realises that he should be playing. He starts up again, lost and numb.

  
Adam winks at him as he walks across the stage slow and deliberate and Kris feels so angry. _Horny_ and angry.

–

After the show everyone is just as hyped up, but Kris is still too dazed and lost and he makes excuses about not going out and heads back to the bus. He feels like he wants to ask Adam what the fuck he was thinking but Adam just carries on as though it was the most usual thing in the world.

  
There are some crazy things added on to being in Adam's band. Not just the crazy performances and shocking on stage antics but the crazy following that Kris somehow manages to accumulate. He went from having 3 followers on twitter to five thousand pretty much over night and that's just hard for him to get his head around.

  
He used to spend a lot of time reading all the replies at him, but its gotten beyond crazy recently so most of the time he just skims through and occasionally replies to things that he thinks are sweet or funny. He is strangely interested tonight though. He knows that news of the kiss will have reached the internet by now and pretty much every single Adam Lambert fan in the whole world will probably know about it.

  
There are a lot of “oh my god's” and “that is so hot” tweets to him, which are fairly unsurprising. What he hadn't expected was the hundreds of pictures of the kiss being tweeted to him. All of them from different angles from people who were there in the audience. What surprises him the most is just how into it he seems. All he can remember is Adam and feeling so shocked he could barely move. But it turns out he did move. One of his hands had left the safety of his guitar and was gripping onto Adam's shirt.

  
 _Shit._

  
Kris leans against the bathroom door and what he really wants is a shower to wash away the two hour performance. He can think about this after; he can stress over what the hell to say to Adam.

  
He spends longer than he needs to in the shower, but he knows it will be a while before the rest of them come back and even though it's nothing like home, he is happy to have the cramped bus to himself for a while. He steps out in just his towel which he would do even with a full bus; its hard to keep your modesty when you are hauled up with three other guys.

  
What he isn't expecting to find is Adam leaning against his bunk, eyeing him up and down appreciatively. Kris tenses immediately, not because it's Adam or because it's a guy, but because no one has ever looked at him like that before. With such need and want.

  
Adam is more dressed down than usual; his hair is lying across his face, he has dark denim jeans on and a plain white shirt. It's probably the most attracted to Adam that Kris has ever been. Adam holds up his phone and waves it around. “Did you know we have a ship name now?”

  
“What?” Kris doesn't even know what that is.

  
Adam laughs. “A ship name. You know where they put our two names together...”

  
Kris just shrugs and wishes he had more clothes on.

  
“It's Kradam.”

  
“Kradam?”

  
“I like it.” Adam smiles again, scrolling through something on his phone. Kris wants to get to his bunk where his clothes are but Adam is a huge obstacle right now, he is torn between just walking away and heading towards the kitchen.

  
“Did you look at any of the pictures from tonight's show?” Adam doesn't look up from his phone and he doesn't wait for Kris to respond. “I was going to apologise. I kind of get carried away sometimes... well you know that now. But you don't seem angry...” Adam looks up at him. “And you seemed to be enjoying yourself judging from these pictures.”

  
“Adam...”

  
“I'm just going to throw this out there and you can tell me to fuck off and we can carry on like this never happened.”

  
Kris waits. He should probably just stop this right now and tell Adam to fuck off before he even starts but he is intrigued and _interested_. He knows its crazy and this could lead to so much awkwardness and who knows what. But this is new and different and he has no idea how much longer he can take this.

  
“I've seen the way you watch me on stage. I like you, you're hot and you may not be aware of this but you are totally my type.” Adam smiles and pushes himself away from Kris's bunk, moving slowly closer towards Kris. “Everyone already thinks we're fucking.”

  
“Well we wouldn't want to disappoint them would we?” There is a heavy tone of sarcasm to Kris's voice but Adam still looks taken aback, he even stops walking for a moment, taking in Kris's words.

  
“No, we wouldn't.”

  
Kris doesn't need Adam to spell it out, he has about three seconds before Adam is completely in his space and he is fooling himself if he thinks he would respond any other way than to how he does. It's Kris who closes the final gap between them, he is tired of waiting. He grips onto Adam and this time he takes his time to enjoy the kiss. He doesn't even care when his towel drops to the floor and Adam lifts him up, he just wraps his legs around Adam's body and lets Adam push him against the bathroom door.

  
He lets Adam take control because he has no idea what he is doing, all he wants to do is touch, kiss and bite and he does just that, letting Adam pull him into oblivion.

-

Kris is so close to falling asleep, he never imagined two people could fit comfortably in such a cramped bunk. But Adam manoeuvres their bodies until they fit together perfectly, like he has done it a million times before. Maybe he has. Kris ignores the pang of irrational jealousy he feels.

Adam hums against Kris's hair, and his fingers trace slowly across Kris's neck. “This is _not_ something I planned.”

  
Kris laughs sleepily. He really isn't sure he believes that at all. Adam responds by pinching his neck. “Ouch.”

  
“I mean it! I usually don't get involved like this... especially not... it gets complicated you know?”

  
Kris nods against Adam's chest. Because he _does_ know. He understands exactly what Adam is saying to him. “I'm probably the least complicated person right now if that makes it any better. Everything I own is on this bus and I'm pretty sure I don't have much to go back to when this tour is over. I'm kind of going with the flow right now.”

  
Adam is silent, taking in what Kris said. Kris hopes he didn't just ramble on about absolutely nothing, he has a tendency to not make sense when he is half way asleep.

  
“I think I like you, Kris Allen. You were... unexpected.”

  
Kris is content enough with that for now. He is sure he hears Adam murmur something else against his hair, but he is already drifting off to sleep.

-

The crowd seems even more alive than they did the night before and what's crazy is Kris can actually hear people calling his name. He can hear people calling “Kradam” and that's just a little crazy. But kind of awesome at the same time.

  
Kris can't help but notice the distance Adam is keeping tonight though, which Kris just finds ridiculous. Last night literally wiped out any boundaries they had and now Adam decides to go nowhere near him on stage? Adam is halfway through strut, jumping up and down encouraging the audience and its only two steps and Kris backs up against Adam and leans back. Kris can feel Adam tense under the contact but he carries on, the audience oblivious.

  
Kris looks up at him and he can see the outline of freckles along Adam's bottom lip that he kissed along last night, he has to fight against leaning up and biting at them. He leans back once more, smiling up at Adam before pushing away. Kris hopes he made it obvious that he is not happy with any distance between him and Adam. On stage and off.


End file.
